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T.D. Jakes and wife, Serita Ann Jakes, at the BET Honors 2013: Debra Lee Pre-Dinner
We’ve all heard the familiar saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” We learn it when we are young, in hopes of developing a means to protect us from the harmful effects of playground insults. Sadly, though, we all have at least one memory of a cutting phrase that has stuck with us, leaving painful wounds that continue to affect us today.
Why does that happen? Why do phrases have such control over us? Modern researchers have begun to pick apart this phenomenon, calling it the “chemistry of conversations.” Evidence suggests that harsh remarks pointed in our direction trigger hormones that create very real physical and mental sensations of distress, and the presence of these hormones can have lasting effects.
There is immense power in our words. Nowhere is this more apparent than in marriage. What if we took the time to strengthen our spouses and build them up with constructive words? If you aren’t sure where to start, try these:
1. I’m Proud Of You
The feeling of being empowered by others reinforces the idea that we can succeed at projects, are whole persons capable of setting and achieving goals, and that those who are proud of us trust us. Looking for things your spouse is doing and offering them praise creates the opportunity to show them you notice their efforts, and it prevents you from being overly self-interested in a way that can lead to you emotionally neglecting your significant other.
2. Thank You
Don’t be tempted to gloss over this one; it’s also backed by research. When you say “thanks,” it won’t mean much without being said intentionally and sincerely. What has your spouse done that makes you and your relationship better? Is it bringing you coffee? Swinging by the grocery store to pick up a few necessary items? Is it their willingness to move across the country for your new job? Whatever it may be, it deserves a specific and honest “Thank you.”
3. I Feel Loved When ______
Just as important as reinforcing our partner is learning how to help our partner support us. A marriage takes two people, and often we fall victim to the assumption that our spouse knows exactly what to say or do to care for us like we want. Why not take a moment to kindly express a few ways they can show you they care. Then ask them what you can do to make them feel loved.
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SOURCE: KSDK – T.D. Jakes
T.D. Jakes is a charismatic leader, visionary, provocative thinking, entrepreneur and compassion humanitarian with a voice that has reverberated from the worlds most prominent stages. His look at life comes from the perspective of a father, a student, a pastor and a friend. Follow @tdjakesshow on Twitter!
